Privileged White Men Plan Boycott Of MLK Day

Washington D.C.- Late Tuesday night the International Association of Privileged White
Men voted unanimously in their bi monthly union meeting to boycott the upcoming Martin Luther King Day holiday. Citing that the holiday honoring the greatest civil rights leader in American history is inherently racist in it's rejection of the privileged status of old white men in society. The group ,which is made up largely of business owners, has declared that the holiday will not be observed by any company belonging to a member on the association.

In a press release the organization has declared that until Martin Luther King day observances are expanded to include the privileged and special status of overweight Caucasian males they will boycott any observance or celebration of the holiday. They press release went on to say that as part of their boycott they will be closing their doors on Martin Luther King day and will not open until the day after. Though some were concerned about the negative effect this might have on the employees of the mega corporations that make up the IAPWM a representative of the group reported that to help garner employee support all those given the day off will receive full pay for their sacrifice.

Traditionally African American organizations such as the Rainbow Push Foundation and the NAACP have expressed mixed feelings about this nationwide protest. The Rev. Al Sharpton made a seemingly representative statement to the L.A. Journal the morning after the IAWPM vote. “ I must admit to feeling somewhat conflicted. I mean, we have been trying to get companies to recognize the work of Brother Martin for nearly fifty years now, however this is not quite what we were aiming. Still I suppose in the end a boycott does carry on the legacy of our dearly departed friend and mentor.” Rev. Sharpton's views were echoed by fellow civil rights leader and former friend of Martin Luther King, Jesse Jackson. Reverend Jackson made clear that the functional aspect of giving employees MLK day off overrides any confusion in the reasoning behind the gesture.

The IAWPM responded to the statements from Rev. Sharpton and Rev. Jackson by sending out the following press release “What?! No. Dammit that's not what we were going for. We are fighting for the rights of privileged white men not to celebrate some dead N...never mind my secretary, with whom I am having an extra-marital affair, just told me that that would be offensive. I remember when you could say anything you want without some uppity...umm African Americans getting their loincloths all up in a bunch. Those were the days, anyway, where was I. Oh yeah. I think Mr, Sharpton and Mr, Jackson have missed the point. Heh, imagine me calling them mister.(dictated not read)”

The IAWPM in an effort to further demonstrate the oppression they feel as rich white men has recently released a large budget documentary titled Only the 20 year referring to the recent Christmas holiday, when the group could only afford to give out cases of 20 year old scotch to it's members as opposed to the standard 30 year. The documentary (described in a press release as a heartbreaking tale of America gone wrong) shows how even while the membership of the Privileged White Men's union were forced take their annual golf outing at Hilton Head instead of St. Andrews, their children were being given the day off to celebrate a rabble rouser who had been dead for over four decades.

Perhaps the organizations ombudsman, Wilson Herreshire III, put it best, “ Look we support Martin Luther, if not for him we'd all be Catholic, but we need to take a stand against this rampant support of the lower classes. We will not work on Martin Luther King Jr day until the there is a day dedicated the Rockafellers, the Michael Milkens or the Bernie Madoffs of the world. Now if you'll excuse me I have a polo game at 9.