In a report on Korean state television the “Beloved Leader” announced not only his candidacy for the Presidency but that upon filing papers to run he was immediately named the front runner and all opposing him had admitted to his superiority and offered to give him any votes they received in the upcoming primaries.
A later report by North Korean state media included a letter from President Obama, in which the President stated that, “It is wonderful to see the great, handsome and beneficent leader of the truly free Korea stake his glorious claim over leadership of the United States of America. When the primaries are over and The Supreme Leader has been name the most virile of candidates I will gladly lay down all opposition to his superiority and make the bed for him before the leaving the White House crawling on my belly lest I should offend him with my hubris.”
The news of the Korean dictator's announcement comes as a surprise to most political analysts in the United States due largely to the fact that Kim is forbidden by the constitution of the United States from running for the office of President. Molly Haverford, a constitutional scholar and professor emeritus at America University cited Kim's inability to meet several of the prerequisites for the nations highest office, including but not limited to the fact that Kim has no residency in the United States and is in fact banned from traveling here, has no US citizenship, has served in a foreign military and was not born a citizen of this country.
Despite these set backs many in the Republican Party have welcomed the announcement out of Korea and have thrown their full support behind the dictator. A spokesperson for Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich said that the former Speaker of the House is glad to have to opportunity to challenge Kim Jong-il for the nomination. When asked if Gingrich had any comment on the apparent front runner status of the dictator Gingrich said that, his poll data didn't seem to agree with that of North Korea state pollsters, but that he was looking into his data collection methods to see if they were in fact skewed somehow.
Former front runner Mitt Romney has welcomed Kim into the race and leaks from inside his camp say that he is already in talks behind the scenes to fill out the ticket should the Korean maintain his reported lead throughout the primary season.
The only primary candidate who has publicly come out against the candidacy of Kim Jong-il is dark horse candidate Gary Johnson (campaign slogan: Hey, Hey everybody over hear, I'm running too you know), the former governor of New Mexico. In a press briefing yesterday Johnson responded to a question regarding his becoming even more irrelevant now that Kim has entered the race by saying, “Are you serious. This guy isn't even eligible to run. Like it or not we've proven that Obama is in fact a citizen, but this guy has never even set foot in this country. Does anyone really think that the American people are going to look to a totalitarian dictator to lead our country.”
When reminded of the poll news out of North Korea , Johnson looked stunned and shook his head in disbelief while muttering something that sounded like “Idiots”
Johnson's comments not withstanding polling shows that Kim Jong-il is polling well among the American republican base as well, who seem to enjoy leaders who tell them what to think and brook no dissent.
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